There are times where I have to reassure myself that it isn't the end, it is a new beginning.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Just One Spark....

Imagine you are stuck on a island, jungle, or just some place you have limited resources, and you are cold.  What would you do?  I am sure your answer would be to start a fire, especially since you might not have a blanket nearby. You grab whatever you can to make this fire, and this can be rocks, leaves, sticks or anything you can manage with.  Here is the real struggle: making the actual fire.  You try and try.  Soon, you see a spark.  One spark. Can you imagine the relief, the hope, and the anxiety you get when you see that spark?  Will the fire catch on?  This ONE spark can provide you with the fire --ultimately the warmth -- you have been desperate for.

With just one spark.

It has been almost two years since I last posted on this blog, but since then, I have had that one spark several times and all the feelings that associated with it.  Before I tell you about those sparks, I should start by telling you what has changed and how my fire died.  As you all may know, I lost a beloved uncle.  My previous post should fill you in with that tragic moment of my life.  Moving on, I walked in my college graduation in May 2015 only to find out that I was given incorrect graduation audits.  I struggled with this.  After four years of working towards a piece of paper, I was easily denied this due to multiple errors.  I took time off -- to just relax and de-stress from being constantly in school. Can you blame me?  To make matters worse, an ex-boyfriend of mine that I have been in love with and in a relationship (on and off) for about 3 years cheated on me -- AND got the girl pregnant.  All of this was when I felt like my burning and beautifully lit fire started to die.  It wasn't that I hit rock bottom or that I was miserable.  I was getting by.  Who just wants to "get by"?

With the time that I took, I decide to find a new spot to create my fire.  I was focusing much on work, so I forgot about making a fire for a while.  However, one spark came when I met my boyfriend.  We worked at PetSmart together (don't judge), and it was just a mild flirtation.  The spark showed one night when I stood up extremely late texting him.  I was like a little girl just giggling at my phone, hoping he was next to me saying these words instead of typing them.  For a week, we were hanging out and dating.  He asked me to be his girlfriend -- but I denied him several times.  My feelings got stronger.  He meant so much to me in the short time that we were talking. On September 13th, we made it official, and we said that we were falling for each other.  That fire took off, and we currently live together.  We are awaiting our 1st anniversary next week, and it has been a rocky road.  Sometimes, fires aren't as bright or tame as you want them to be.  One spark can lead to a forest fire, and there were points in our relationship that got close to that.  However, we have grown so much with each other, and we are still overcoming obstacles.

Recently, I was able to build on that fire by adding another spark.  This might have been one of the biggest sparks of them all.  After a year of struggling with the news from my school, I am FINALLY A GRADUATE!  I attempted to finish school in the Spring semester, but got into a horrific car accident and could not complete my semester.  Ultimately, I put my foot down and emailed my advisor.  I researched ways to make up my credits and requirements -- and I did just that.  I changed my major and took a CLEP exam, and here I am: A GRADUATE!  I couldn't do it without support from my peers.  When you find that drive and passion, you move forward easily.  I WANTED that fire, and I finally got it.  Just one spark! That one spark was that glimpse of hope of a realistic option, conversations I had with certain people, and ultimately my dying desire to be done with my degree.

My fire is BACK.  It is burning brighter than ever, and I will continue to feed it.  I will continue to experience these sparks that will keep me going.  Anyone can have this.  It really only begins with one spark.  It is important to also know that oxygen is needed to create a fire.  It keeps the fire going and growing, so don't suffocate yourself.  Give you and this "fire" some time and space.  You will see it prosper in no time.

Until then...

Live Life & Go Beyond It!