There are times where I have to reassure myself that it isn't the end, it is a new beginning.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Expect Life's Surprises!

Pleasure. Pain. Joy. Disappointment. That's life, right?  I might never completely grasp that statement: That's Life.  How are we suppose to know what life entails if we aren't done living it?  No matter what we go through, life can't be determined ahead of time.

I have been through some horrible things, but I still get caught off guard.  Take this past weekend:  It was my birthday.  I expected so much since I worked so hard, but I got the complete opposite.  Instead of things coming together, things fell apart.  And it seems as if it fell hard.  In the end of it all, I didn't have such a great time, argued with people I love, and lost someone I fell so hard for. Well, I have fell in love more than once, and with that being said, I got my heart broken more than once. I had arguments with family and friends, and I lost people in the past. It can be said that it is a routine, but no matter what, it still hurts like a bitch (Is that my first time cursing?).  It still feels fresh every time.  Maybe it's the timing, but I don't expect any of it or the magnitude in which it hurts me.

Maybe that is it! Maybe life is about expecting to be surprised.  Maybe understanding that statement is understanding that the bad will happen to you, and that it will come in different forms as well as different times.  Maybe it is just a way we prepare ourselves for the rough times and lasting pain.  Or maybe it is our way to pour alcohol on our wounds.  "That's Life" is our S.O.S (our way to save ourselves).


We don't know what life entails.  We can't tell our own future as we blindly went through our past.  But despite that all, one thing is for sure.  Life is full of surprise.  Maybe we should just expect to be surprised.

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Simplicity at its Best!

People complicated the simplest things in their head.  This is fact.


What can be the possible reason(s) someone would do this to theirselves?  I can't speak for everyone as I can't barely explain this for myself, but there is always a reason to the madness.  Personally, I overthink everything -- and when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING.  Sometimes, I just put myself in this cycle of endless thoughts, but sometimes, it does happen naturally.  Let me see if I can give you a peek into how I do this and how my thought process works.

I can admit that I make a mole into a mountain through my thought process.  But, to me, it is much more than the answer you give to my questions.  I have answers for my questions already.

Question: How much do you love me?
Answer: I love you with all my heart... (or something along that line)
MY ANSWER: I LOVE YOU beyond everything else.  You are my number one -- the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.  You know what? MARRY ME RIGHT NOW!


Question: Why didn't you do the homework last night?
Answer: I didn't have time for it because I had so much to do, and I barely got any sleep.
MY ANSWER: YOU decided to do other things with your time, knowing that YOU had homework to do.  You slept in, and you knew about this assignment a while ago.  You didn't do the homework due to YOU being lazy!

As you can see, my answers does not match the other person's answer.  This will lead me to ask myself more questions on why they do not match and what does that tell me.  I know that it may seem as a pointless and not a healthy thought process to put myself in.  BUT, it does help fix many of my issues and helps me be more practical than I set out to be.

Look, from outside, it may seem as such a stupid thing to do.  It seems as if it causes nothing but issues.  And I will not deny that; it does cause problems for me A LOT.  But, it also brings me "down to Earth" as I am usually an optimist and I think highly of everyone.  Does this make sense?

Well, if it does: Welcome to my life!  If not, I can't explain much into it as I already have.  Again, it differs by the individual.  For me, I overthink and complicate everything due to my lack of understanding, lack of a realistic perspective, and to be honest, my lack of confidence on the subject.  It can be both good or bad, varying on situation and individual.  For those of you that do it, just be honest with yourself about why you do it.  This is just to understand where everything is coming from, and sometimes to avoid the issues you come across.

Lastly, after understanding it, I must make some limitations or DOS/DON'TS for us overthinkers or complicaters. 

DO: Do continue to put thought into many things around you.  Asking questions or thinking through things can allow yourself to be open and honest.  Also, you can easily call "BS" on things or people presented to you.  Do try to be accurate when vocalizing your thought process.  What may seem as simple and understandable to you may not be for someone else -- THIS CAN BE THE SOURCE OF THE ISSUES YOU COME ACROSS.

DON'T:  Do NOT, under any circumstances, hold your possible conclusion(s) or thought(s) as anything final.  Things change, and I am pretty sure that you can't account for EVERY reaction possible. Don't put yourself in an endless cycle -- don't get stuck in your head!  Be cautious of how your thoughts affect you (and those around you).


If you decide to overcomplicate or overthink anything, just try to make it as SIMPLE as possible for yourself as well as others.  You can't just go too deep into everything because it is an endless cycle and life is too short. THINK SIMPLE.  BE SIMPLE. It is simplicity at its best!

Live Life & Go BEYOND it!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

It's ALL about the Closing!

When your heart breaks, there is still something in the midst of it all; something that makes it that much harder to let the relationship go or make the pain almost unbearable.  And without that "something", moving on or taking the steps needed to do something active with your life seems almost impossible.  It is like you are frozen and the moment replays over and over.  You have no idea what to do or what to say.

Well, with the fantastic feeling of "love" that is so over-emphasized in movies and TV drama comes the "hangover": The Aftermath.

First heartbreaks will seem impossible to overcome, and that is natural because this is the first person who made you feel like never before.  This is the first person to take your heart and show you a whole new side to life.  It's understandable, but I need to be honest with you, it doesn't get easier.  Because your last love will be better than your past loves.  I say this in the sense that you start to get a better grasp on the concept of "love".  As if there are stages, love gets stronger or more concrete over time.  In my experience, my first love was almost a "puppy" love.  It wasn't until the second love, I began to know what love can do to you. I can go on and on, but those who been in love will know that this post can get very lengthy if I do so.

Back to the matter at hand: When you love, you get heart broken.  As pessimistic as I am going to sound now, nothing lasts forever.  But how does one cope?  How does one let go of that person they fell head over heels for?  Well, I can't give you the answers to that because I still don't know myself. BUT, one thing that does make it "easier" to cope with is CLOSURE. 

When you open something, don't you need to close it before starting new ones? 

Think of it like this:  How many tabs you have open now?  Two or three?  Imagine five, ten, twenty.  What would happen?  Not only would your computer or device run slower, but you won't be able to give your attention or focus on any one of them.  You will be left to keep checking each tab to remember what you have it there for and examine its importance.  Right?  Relay this concept with relationships and life.  How about you close some of those tabs one by one?  Maybe some of those tabs were never what you were searching the net for?  They could have been distractions like Facebook is to homework.

Closure can come in different forms. I don't know your style or how you like to deal with personal matter.  All I know is that closure is needed, and without it, things become...complicated.  Using my life as an example, I previously fell for a guy who broke my heart a few times.  This last time was rough, and the ending wasn't that great.  I struggled with that because I started to question the love and meaning behind what we did and how he dealt with everything.  It was harder for me to cope with the fact that he probably never loved me than the breakup itself.  I couldn't keep adding alcohol to the wound anymore.  I had to tend to it, and take the first steps to healing or atleast trying to.  I started to express my feelings everywhere, which were both positive and negative.  I came to realizations, and it wasn't until I came across what the guy had posted on a social networking site.  It hit me hard.  I knew he still had those feelings I still have.  I knew he still loves me, and knowing that meant the world to me.  I don't know if our lives will cross paths again, but I know that our intentions were pure.  We got the chance to celebrate the love we both shared even if it was short lived.  Those positive thoughts in such a bad time makes this easier for me.  An It will for you.  No matter how you take it or use it; it's all about the closing. 


We will be heart broken. We will be left to deal with the aftermath of love and the pain it brings.  But, why make it harder for ourselves?  We should be all about the closing --whether it is personal or business matters.

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Luck is Such a Funny Thing!

Beginner's luck. Try your luck. Lucky me. Luck is on my side. Just my luck. I luck-ed out.

Many of us are "lucky" because we were given the opportunities that others did not. Is that really luck? Some people have the luck to win a flat-screen TV, camera, gift basket, or even a pair of tickets to a big social event. Others have the luck to win the NY Mega Millions. But what about those who don't have the luck to even have a meal to eat? What about those families that didn't have the luck to win a house makeover or the single mother that couldn't win that new pink bicycle for her daughter? Yes, some of us are "lucky", but what is luck?

People would say that luck is matter of chance, it is something that won't last forever. It is a temporary happiness almost. But then again, wouldn't people have their chance at luck? Luck, to me, can go either way. I think we are all lucky in some form. And no, this isn't the cliche explanation of everyone being lucky to be alive. No. That is extremely corny. I am proposing that luck isn't instantly beneficial. Let me elaborate.

I was never lucky enough to have my own sweet sixteen or attend a wedding. I did, however, have the luck to go to two funerals. I had the luck of seeing my family crash and burn in front of my eyes. Please, don't feel bad. It is "just my luck". Those events I mentioned wouldn't be considered as lucky to be apart of, but it is. Yes, funerals and family conflicts are not beneficial when occuring. But I had the luck to learn and grow. I had the luck of experiencing the cold reality at an early age, and now, I have a head-up on life. My family, through the fire and the flames, had the chance to work on themself both as a whole and individually. We aren't perfect, but I can honestly say that progress is being made. Funerals are full of sorrow and pain, but I got the chance to see death. I mean, I got the chance to see where things end. I mean, I got a chance to know that life is short. And as depressing as it may seen, you begin to find a light in the dark tunnel.

I had the luck of experiencing the bad because it made me stronger. Some people will never have that kind of luck. Some people would never feel the lowest point a person can hit. I met people who are so oblivious to what can happen or how things can turn, and I feel bad for them. I guess they are "luck-ed out".

Don't get me wrong. Luck is also how it has been portrayed. I had the luck to have a all-expenses paid trip to California to take a college course at UC Berkeley for six weeks. I had the luck to be the "hero" of my high school senior class. I had the luck of meeting amazing people, and going amazing places.


Luck is such a funny thing. It comes in different shapes and forms, and it comes at different times and days. But with luck, it can go eitherway. (I know I am corny!)

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Acknowledging Our Feelings

My life has done a complete 180. No, not a 360 -- That would only mean that it is back to where it was. It has become the complete opposite. I've alway known that my life was going to change, but I haven't gotten the chance to sit and think about it.

Less than a year ago, I wanted to be in college. I was ready to move out and be on my own. I was ready to enjoy the bitter freedom it granted, and the overwhelming responsibilities it placed upon me. Now, it doesn't seem the way it once did. I am not really happy even though I should be. I lost many people, and I don't know what step I should take next. I don't know how to react -- even worse, I don't know if I want to.

How do you go from familiarity and feeling love to being the newbie trying to replace your once-loved ones? I feel like I have the burden of trying to replace people because I feel alone if I don't. I feel alone now. The school year is ending, and I will be forced to go back home to the Bronx. I don't want to go back. I worked hard to get out of there, to get out of my house. It felt like four walls closing in -- I can't deal with that anymore. I have no option. I will have to go back to the problems I was happy to leave behind. I thought maybe trying to stay busy will fix it, but I don't want to have to do so much to be happy.

I will be working soon, especially once school ends for the summer. I feel like an express train to nowhere that just keeps going and going. I can't stop working hard because I will have to be forced to settle with reality. Ugh. How things have changed, my friends! When you want to go somewhere, there is so much to be done. There is so much that changes that I don't think anyone is really ready for. I know I am not. So how do I go about this?

The damage is done, so should I give up? That question is kind of stupid. I know what I want, and giving up won't get me anywhere close to that. I will keep going, but I just feel like it isn't worth the fight. I fought hard to keep some important people, and they left regardless. It is out of my hands at this point. Have you ever felt like that?

This isn't my usual post. It is one that comes from a true feeling that I believe we all share. Yes, it is pretty fucking sad, but we can't just make everything shiny and peachy because then where will be the authenticity?


It's okay to feel the way we feel. As long as we acknowledge it and stay honest with ourselves, we can only grow from here. Understand?

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.