Luck is Such a Funny Thing!

Beginner's luck. Try your luck. Lucky me. Luck is on my side. Just my luck. I luck-ed out.

Many of us are "lucky" because we were given the opportunities that others did not. Is that really luck? Some people have the luck to win a flat-screen TV, camera, gift basket, or even a pair of tickets to a big social event. Others have the luck to win the NY Mega Millions. But what about those who don't have the luck to even have a meal to eat? What about those families that didn't have the luck to win a house makeover or the single mother that couldn't win that new pink bicycle for her daughter? Yes, some of us are "lucky", but what is luck?

People would say that luck is matter of chance, it is something that won't last forever. It is a temporary happiness almost. But then again, wouldn't people have their chance at luck? Luck, to me, can go either way. I think we are all lucky in some form. And no, this isn't the cliche explanation of everyone being lucky to be alive. No. That is extremely corny. I am proposing that luck isn't instantly beneficial. Let me elaborate.

I was never lucky enough to have my own sweet sixteen or attend a wedding. I did, however, have the luck to go to two funerals. I had the luck of seeing my family crash and burn in front of my eyes. Please, don't feel bad. It is "just my luck". Those events I mentioned wouldn't be considered as lucky to be apart of, but it is. Yes, funerals and family conflicts are not beneficial when occuring. But I had the luck to learn and grow. I had the luck of experiencing the cold reality at an early age, and now, I have a head-up on life. My family, through the fire and the flames, had the chance to work on themself both as a whole and individually. We aren't perfect, but I can honestly say that progress is being made. Funerals are full of sorrow and pain, but I got the chance to see death. I mean, I got the chance to see where things end. I mean, I got a chance to know that life is short. And as depressing as it may seen, you begin to find a light in the dark tunnel.

I had the luck of experiencing the bad because it made me stronger. Some people will never have that kind of luck. Some people would never feel the lowest point a person can hit. I met people who are so oblivious to what can happen or how things can turn, and I feel bad for them. I guess they are "luck-ed out".

Don't get me wrong. Luck is also how it has been portrayed. I had the luck to have a all-expenses paid trip to California to take a college course at UC Berkeley for six weeks. I had the luck to be the "hero" of my high school senior class. I had the luck of meeting amazing people, and going amazing places.

So,

Luck is such a funny thing. It comes in different shapes and forms, and it comes at different times and days. But with luck, it can go eitherway. (I know I am corny!)

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Acknowledging Our Feelings

My life has done a complete 180. No, not a 360 -- That would only mean that it is back to where it was. It has become the complete opposite. I've alway known that my life was going to change, but I haven't gotten the chance to sit and think about it.

Less than a year ago, I wanted to be in college. I was ready to move out and be on my own. I was ready to enjoy the bitter freedom it granted, and the overwhelming responsibilities it placed upon me. Now, it doesn't seem the way it once did. I am not really happy even though I should be. I lost many people, and I don't know what step I should take next. I don't know how to react -- even worse, I don't know if I want to.

How do you go from familiarity and feeling love to being the newbie trying to replace your once-loved ones? I feel like I have the burden of trying to replace people because I feel alone if I don't. I feel alone now. The school year is ending, and I will be forced to go back home to the Bronx. I don't want to go back. I worked hard to get out of there, to get out of my house. It felt like four walls closing in -- I can't deal with that anymore. I have no option. I will have to go back to the problems I was happy to leave behind. I thought maybe trying to stay busy will fix it, but I don't want to have to do so much to be happy.

I will be working soon, especially once school ends for the summer. I feel like an express train to nowhere that just keeps going and going. I can't stop working hard because I will have to be forced to settle with reality. Ugh. How things have changed, my friends! When you want to go somewhere, there is so much to be done. There is so much that changes that I don't think anyone is really ready for. I know I am not. So how do I go about this?

The damage is done, so should I give up? That question is kind of stupid. I know what I want, and giving up won't get me anywhere close to that. I will keep going, but I just feel like it isn't worth the fight. I fought hard to keep some important people, and they left regardless. It is out of my hands at this point. Have you ever felt like that?

This isn't my usual post. It is one that comes from a true feeling that I believe we all share. Yes, it is pretty fucking sad, but we can't just make everything shiny and peachy because then where will be the authenticity?

So...

It's okay to feel the way we feel. As long as we acknowledge it and stay honest with ourselves, we can only grow from here. Understand?

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Don't Forget to Look at Your Reflection!

Time is irreplaceable, but I think, as human, we keep forgetting this. Time passes, and it is time that we don't get back. Time is of the essence, people!

Time flew by for me, actually. On Monday, I would have finished my first semester in college. I couldn’t be more satisfied. It was, indeed, one tough semester as I had to adjust to college life and being independent. There are very little things I wish I could have done, but then again, I have to take it as it is. All I could do is stop and reflect to make the next time better than the last time. It is all about TIME!

You know, life is short. It can be taken from anyone at any moment, so why not make the moment last? I had to learn this tough lesson from the death of my friend, Troy Zapata. His life was shortened by the shot of a bullet, he was 15 years old. I know I mention him a lot, but he helped me see the things I see now.

I just noticed this is my second blog about the importance of time. What can I say? Time is one thing that matter to me. I think everyone should stop what they are doing and take a moment to look back at what they've done. Are you proud of it? Are you where you envisioned yourself to be? Is it a story worth telling?

Because I know mine is. I have flaws and my moments, but then again, who doesn’t? My life has been a roller coaster ride. It has been a constant struggle, an ongoing fight, but I am nowhere close to hanging up my gloves. I always take a moment to reflect, and use that as motivation to make my future. Everyone should have that mind set when it comes to time.

So…

When you pass a mirror, don’t forget to stop and look at your reflection. Because there is always something there than that little zit on your face or how big your ass looks.

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Change: For Better or For Worse

Obama based his whole campaign on bringing "Change", but some people don't look at what Change can be. Yes, bringing change to certain things is positive, but there are negative sides to change. It depends on what is being change and from what to what.

Personally, I am referring to change in people. I think everyone changes -- not only at one point in their life but at many points in their life. As conditions and environment changes, so does that person. Think about it. For me, going to college, there are many changes I had to go through. I am not talking about new friends, new home, new responsibilities -- I mean of the person I am. I had to drop and add certain things about myself to fit my conditions. I am slowly being less uptight about everything as I get easily stressed out in college. I used to need friends to remind me to relax, but in college, I have no one but myself.

Also, I had to be more agressive and assertive on what I want. In college, everyone is trying to do their own thing. It is the time for a person to think their path out, and step up to the plate. So, I had to be ready to know what I want in life. This has to be one of the biggest change I had to go through. I became ready to accept that not everyone is going to join me in my adventures; some people needed to be dropped. I lost many friends, and made many enemies. I needed to step up, and there will always be people trying to bring me down. I know I've changed. My change is for the better and for the worse, depending on who and what is looking at it. I am just trying to be a better me, and the change I am undergoing can completely fail. Then again, it can put me on top.

Yes, Obama. We can bring change, but of what kind? Yes, we want to change the current economy and we can, but doesn't mean it will be for the better. People need to realize that yes, change is good, but at what cost? We can change every aspect of life to compliment our lives better, but will it be successful? There is a chance that we screw it up, just like there is a chance of it going great.

There is always two side to everything: For the better or For the Worse. Don't forget to look at both sides.

So...

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Matter of Time

I know minutes turn into hours, and hours into days, and nonetheless days turn into weeks. By the time we realize how much has passed, it is too late. It is time wasted. It is time to realize that "time is of the essence". It passes by, and there is no possible way to grab it while we can. We just need to live in the moment, and remember to appreciate every minute.

This is the reason I have such a tough time letting go...

Because letting go means letting the times I shared with a particular person go to waste. I am never ready to do such a thing. All the memories I held with the man I loved will never be wasted moments, I will replay them in my head to remind me that my life wasn't just an ordinary day after another. It was spent with someone special, doing something that meant something to me. Understand? I don't think anyone wants to come to the realization that the time they spent with someone was just time wasted. I refuse to let my memories die.

Everyone that I have a hard time letting go are people who I spent the most amazing times of my life with. I always come back to them, and I become a better person for the sake of fixing the relationship. I am not a perfect person, I can admit. I make my mistakes, and I beat myself down for most of them. I know what I did wrong, but the people who I find on my side after everything are the ones that are important. They are truly worth it. I would never give up the memories I shared with them or hope to share with them in the future. I can't let them go.

So, when a person tells me to move on or let it go, I just shrug. It is harder for me to do so. I want those memories fresh in my head with nothing but thoughts of making new ones with that person. I believe, in time, a person will be able to make their own choice of who to let go or who to keep close.

It is all a matter of time.

So...

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

That Second Chance...

Everyone deserves a second chance.

I honestly believe so. Just because as human beings, we all fuck up at one point. And if you think you don't, maybe you aren't fully aware of your surroundings.

Lil Wayne said it best: "...but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up..."

If we don't give someone that second chance, how can we expect anyone to give us one? It is the golden rule: Consider yourself in the equation. Giving someone another chance also gives the person a chance to grow. If a person is given another chance, it is another opportunity to grow as a person and learn from their mistake. If they don't have this chance, they won't be able to fix their mistakes and work hard to be a better person.

Now, of course, there is a limit on things. I honestly give people too many chances, but in my opinion, there is always something changing in them. If they decide to keep taking advantage of me and their chance, I will be sure who they are to me and cut them loose. I came across a random post that said "There is a delete button for Sagittarius", and guess who is a Sagittarius? I honestly think everyone should have a delete button because letting people who will bring you down in your life will actually be successful in bringing you down.

Sometimes, it takes more than screwing up two chances to realize that someone isn't worth your time, but maybe it takes more. I had experiences where I gave people too many chances, and they fail to take advantage of those chances of rebuilding our broken friendship. Those people aren't a factor in my life anymore, and I am actually in a good place. I learned a lot from giving out those extra chances, even when I didn't want to.

So...

Just remember that everyone, including yourself fucks up.

Don't be quick to burn bridges before you walked across them.

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.

Where Our Lives Takes Us...

I know it has been a while since I made a post, but I am only human.

Looking back, my life has changed so much. I think at any point, any one's life can be taken on a different route. Your life can be changed just by meeting someone new. That person can be a life partner, a best friend, but they can make a big impact. For me, college changed my life. I crawled out of my natural environment into a new environment-- a completely different one. So yes, I am no longer in the Bronx, but that is actually a good thing.

I attend Pace University in Pleasantville, NY, and I love it there. I met people that have a variety of backgrounds, beliefs, and ways of life. I honestly made a group of strangers into family, and I never want to leave them. I learn to care for them as if I knew them before. I finally feel like I belong.

Everyone is in the pursue of finding comfort and happiness. It is a difficult task, but when you get close, it is worth it.

To make things even worse, I just got of a bad break-up -- Yes, again. However, I am actually good. I am happy because other than being home thinking about him and crying or wining, I am surround around people who love me and keep me busy. So, there is the solution to a broken heart. Keep busy and surround yourself with people who you love and love you back.

From my experiences, the worst part of a breakup is realizing that the love is gone -- it isn't being given nor received. And to fill that emptiness where the love used to fit, you have to find another love. Not another love with another partner, but it could be family and friends. When you feel the love, nothing can destroy you.

In the end, we are just humans, right? Our lives can take us to a whole other world or even across a busy street. We, as human, are just victims to it. I am a victim to a new environment and people, and I am loving it.

So...

Live Life & Go BEYOND it.