Imagine you are stuck on a island, jungle, or just some place you have limited resources, and you are cold. What would you do? I am sure your answer would be to start a fire, especially since you might not have a blanket nearby. You grab whatever you can to make this fire, and this can be rocks, leaves, sticks or anything you can manage with. Here is the real struggle: making the actual fire. You try and try. Soon, you see a spark. One spark. Can you imagine the relief, the hope, and the anxiety you get when you see that spark? Will the fire catch on? This ONE spark can provide you with the fire --ultimately the warmth -- you have been desperate for.
With just one spark.
It has been almost two years since I last posted on this blog, but since then, I have had that one spark several times and all the feelings that associated with it. Before I tell you about those sparks, I should start by telling you what has changed and how my fire died. As you all may know, I lost a beloved uncle. My previous post should fill you in with that tragic moment of my life. Moving on, I walked in my college graduation in May 2015 only to find out that I was given incorrect graduation audits. I struggled with this. After four years of working towards a piece of paper, I was easily denied this due to multiple errors. I took time off -- to just relax and de-stress from being constantly in school. Can you blame me? To make matters worse, an ex-boyfriend of mine that I have been in love with and in a relationship (on and off) for about 3 years cheated on me -- AND got the girl pregnant. All of this was when I felt like my burning and beautifully lit fire started to die. It wasn't that I hit rock bottom or that I was miserable. I was getting by. Who just wants to "get by"?
With the time that I took, I decide to find a new spot to create my fire. I was focusing much on work, so I forgot about making a fire for a while. However, one spark came when I met my boyfriend. We worked at PetSmart together (don't judge), and it was just a mild flirtation. The spark showed one night when I stood up extremely late texting him. I was like a little girl just giggling at my phone, hoping he was next to me saying these words instead of typing them. For a week, we were hanging out and dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend -- but I denied him several times. My feelings got stronger. He meant so much to me in the short time that we were talking. On September 13th, we made it official, and we said that we were falling for each other. That fire took off, and we currently live together. We are awaiting our 1st anniversary next week, and it has been a rocky road. Sometimes, fires aren't as bright or tame as you want them to be. One spark can lead to a forest fire, and there were points in our relationship that got close to that. However, we have grown so much with each other, and we are still overcoming obstacles.
Recently, I was able to build on that fire by adding another spark. This might have been one of the biggest sparks of them all. After a year of struggling with the news from my school, I am FINALLY A GRADUATE! I attempted to finish school in the Spring semester, but got into a horrific car accident and could not complete my semester. Ultimately, I put my foot down and emailed my advisor. I researched ways to make up my credits and requirements -- and I did just that. I changed my major and took a CLEP exam, and here I am: A GRADUATE! I couldn't do it without support from my peers. When you find that drive and passion, you move forward easily. I WANTED that fire, and I finally got it. Just one spark! That one spark was that glimpse of hope of a realistic option, conversations I had with certain people, and ultimately my dying desire to be done with my degree.
My fire is BACK. It is burning brighter than ever, and I will continue to feed it. I will continue to experience these sparks that will keep me going. Anyone can have this. It really only begins with one spark. It is important to also know that oxygen is needed to create a fire. It keeps the fire going and growing, so don't suffocate yourself. Give you and this "fire" some time and space. You will see it prosper in no time.
Until then...
Live Life & Go Beyond It!
Friday, September 9, 2016
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
We Call It "Life"
When life hands you lemons, you are suppose to make lemonade. What if the lemons went bad? What if you're not in the mood for lemons? What if you don't know how to make lemonade? It is hard to accept what life throws at you, but you are expected to make the best out of it. HOW?
I recently lost a person very close to my heart. This blog post won't do it justice to how I am feeling and how I am coping, so I won't even try. I will just say that I grew up with no father figure, but with exceptional men who made it their duty to help my mother succeed in her life. My uncle passed almost a month ago, and it still feels like it was yesterday when I saw him in that hospital bed. How does one erase those images? How does one accept the harsh reality that we have no control on what happens to us and around us? I am not dwelling on how life is unfair or rough, but focusing on this thing we call "Life".
What does that mean "Life"? We are given life, but how many of us are living? What does it mean to live? Witnessing death at it's rawest form makes you realize that your definition of life is not what it is. I saw a lifeless body in front of me, and I freaked out. If you don't know it by now, I am terrified of death. I would cry my eyes out and panic just at the thought of dying. I thought it was because I love livings -- I was wrong. Seeing my uncle pass made me realize that I didn't love life enough to make it remarkable. Yes, I had amazing times, but at the end of the day: Am I giving the best of me?
If you heard the details of my uncle's life, you might not think he was a good person. He had his demons, but the best thing about him is that he continued. I think that is the keyword: HE CONTINUED. When life hands you lemons, maybe lemonade isn't the thing you need to do. Maybe it is just being handed lemons. We just need to learn to accept that things happen and that, in essence, is life - plain and simple. There is so much out of our control, but everything happens for a reason.
I didn't want my uncle to die, but God needed another angel. I can accept that. I don't want to elaborate or argue that -- I want to ACCEPT it. My uncle has passed, and there isn't anything I can do, but continue. I am continuing with another pair of eyes on me, with another pair of hands to guide me, and with another heart caring over me. I had that when he was here, and I still have it when he isn't. So, I continue with this thing called "Life".
So,
Go make lemonade or don't. Just continue, and actually live.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
I recently lost a person very close to my heart. This blog post won't do it justice to how I am feeling and how I am coping, so I won't even try. I will just say that I grew up with no father figure, but with exceptional men who made it their duty to help my mother succeed in her life. My uncle passed almost a month ago, and it still feels like it was yesterday when I saw him in that hospital bed. How does one erase those images? How does one accept the harsh reality that we have no control on what happens to us and around us? I am not dwelling on how life is unfair or rough, but focusing on this thing we call "Life".
What does that mean "Life"? We are given life, but how many of us are living? What does it mean to live? Witnessing death at it's rawest form makes you realize that your definition of life is not what it is. I saw a lifeless body in front of me, and I freaked out. If you don't know it by now, I am terrified of death. I would cry my eyes out and panic just at the thought of dying. I thought it was because I love livings -- I was wrong. Seeing my uncle pass made me realize that I didn't love life enough to make it remarkable. Yes, I had amazing times, but at the end of the day: Am I giving the best of me?
If you heard the details of my uncle's life, you might not think he was a good person. He had his demons, but the best thing about him is that he continued. I think that is the keyword: HE CONTINUED. When life hands you lemons, maybe lemonade isn't the thing you need to do. Maybe it is just being handed lemons. We just need to learn to accept that things happen and that, in essence, is life - plain and simple. There is so much out of our control, but everything happens for a reason.
I didn't want my uncle to die, but God needed another angel. I can accept that. I don't want to elaborate or argue that -- I want to ACCEPT it. My uncle has passed, and there isn't anything I can do, but continue. I am continuing with another pair of eyes on me, with another pair of hands to guide me, and with another heart caring over me. I had that when he was here, and I still have it when he isn't. So, I continue with this thing called "Life".
So,
Go make lemonade or don't. Just continue, and actually live.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Letter to Self
Dear Ashley,
Sometimes, the struggle of a soldier cannot be imagined by the mind of a citizen. But, you have to remember that a soldier started out as just that. Stripped to our bare, we are all humans. We all fuck up, get emotional, become greedy and selfish, feel pain, and find our way to some ounce of pleasure. The difference between us is not our color or appearances, it is how we go about all those things. You, out of many people in this world, can do these things in such a beneficial way.
When you fuck up, you don't go on thinking that you were in the right all along. You stop to reflect, and make the bad into good. You recently lost someone because of a "fuck up", but you realized what happen and why it went down the way it did. You always learn something about yourself and the people that surround you. You can fuck up as many times as possible, but it will never ruin you. It only betters you. Keep that going. It is a rare skill that even the basic of people cannot master. Take everything as a leaning experience, just like you do now.
When you make decisions that may seem selfish or greedy, you have to understand that everyone does that. You dedicated your life to many of your friends and classmates. You keep giving and your kindness sometimes goes unacknowledged. That's life in a nutshell. But, don't let that be your whole life. You have to worry about you now. You can't let the empire that is Ashley to fall on account of someone who doesn't care to see it prosper. Plain and Simple. Be selfish and be greedy. You're American, you have the natural urge to be. Don't let that be your whole life either. Balance it out, but keep your self in the center of it all. It is YOUR life, after all.
It's okay to feel how you are feeling now. You are hurt, you are heartbroken. You are lost in the chaos that is your life. It's OKAY! I think sometimes, you try to stop yourself from feeling the way you feel because you think it makes you something less than you. We all have feelings. We all have emotions, Ashley. You are an emotional person, not in the sense that you can't control your emotions. You are emotional in the sense that you can open yourself up to feel and let your emotions take their course. That's normal. More people should do it because bottling things up worsen the situation and never gets to sealing the deal. And that applies to the pain. Without pain, there is no pleasure. We all want happiness, even if it is a temporary pleasure. Find it, Ashley. Find it in the smallest things and the shortest moments. Don't be scared to take chances. You are such an open and willing person, and that is the beauty you hold. Don't lose it. Don't doubt yourself, you are nothing less than an amazing person who just happens to go through downfalls.
There is so much I can tell and advise you on, but you already know where I am trying to go with all of this. The things that make YOU are the things that should always shine. Those flaws, let them come out. You can't be perfect, even though you are a perfectionist in a weird way. You have friends that love you because of it all. I can only hope that this year brings more people around you to experience the beauty that is you. Remember that a soldier was once a citizen. No soldiers are ever born, they are created. It is through the things they endure and conquer that makes them stronger. Some people cannot get as far as this, but you did. You made yourself into a soldier by only enduring and staying true to your own purpose. And, God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Never forget.
So,
Sometimes, the struggle of a soldier cannot be imagined by the mind of a citizen. But, you have to remember that a soldier started out as just that. Ashley, you started as just that. Look how far you have gone, but don't forget how far you can go. The sky is just the starting line. Stay strong, Soldier, your battle isn't over.
Live Life & Go BEYOND IT.
Sometimes, the struggle of a soldier cannot be imagined by the mind of a citizen. But, you have to remember that a soldier started out as just that. Stripped to our bare, we are all humans. We all fuck up, get emotional, become greedy and selfish, feel pain, and find our way to some ounce of pleasure. The difference between us is not our color or appearances, it is how we go about all those things. You, out of many people in this world, can do these things in such a beneficial way.
When you fuck up, you don't go on thinking that you were in the right all along. You stop to reflect, and make the bad into good. You recently lost someone because of a "fuck up", but you realized what happen and why it went down the way it did. You always learn something about yourself and the people that surround you. You can fuck up as many times as possible, but it will never ruin you. It only betters you. Keep that going. It is a rare skill that even the basic of people cannot master. Take everything as a leaning experience, just like you do now.
When you make decisions that may seem selfish or greedy, you have to understand that everyone does that. You dedicated your life to many of your friends and classmates. You keep giving and your kindness sometimes goes unacknowledged. That's life in a nutshell. But, don't let that be your whole life. You have to worry about you now. You can't let the empire that is Ashley to fall on account of someone who doesn't care to see it prosper. Plain and Simple. Be selfish and be greedy. You're American, you have the natural urge to be. Don't let that be your whole life either. Balance it out, but keep your self in the center of it all. It is YOUR life, after all.
It's okay to feel how you are feeling now. You are hurt, you are heartbroken. You are lost in the chaos that is your life. It's OKAY! I think sometimes, you try to stop yourself from feeling the way you feel because you think it makes you something less than you. We all have feelings. We all have emotions, Ashley. You are an emotional person, not in the sense that you can't control your emotions. You are emotional in the sense that you can open yourself up to feel and let your emotions take their course. That's normal. More people should do it because bottling things up worsen the situation and never gets to sealing the deal. And that applies to the pain. Without pain, there is no pleasure. We all want happiness, even if it is a temporary pleasure. Find it, Ashley. Find it in the smallest things and the shortest moments. Don't be scared to take chances. You are such an open and willing person, and that is the beauty you hold. Don't lose it. Don't doubt yourself, you are nothing less than an amazing person who just happens to go through downfalls.
There is so much I can tell and advise you on, but you already know where I am trying to go with all of this. The things that make YOU are the things that should always shine. Those flaws, let them come out. You can't be perfect, even though you are a perfectionist in a weird way. You have friends that love you because of it all. I can only hope that this year brings more people around you to experience the beauty that is you. Remember that a soldier was once a citizen. No soldiers are ever born, they are created. It is through the things they endure and conquer that makes them stronger. Some people cannot get as far as this, but you did. You made yourself into a soldier by only enduring and staying true to your own purpose. And, God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Never forget.
So,
Sometimes, the struggle of a soldier cannot be imagined by the mind of a citizen. But, you have to remember that a soldier started out as just that. Ashley, you started as just that. Look how far you have gone, but don't forget how far you can go. The sky is just the starting line. Stay strong, Soldier, your battle isn't over.
Live Life & Go BEYOND IT.
-- Always Stay True,
Ashley M Lora
Monday, December 3, 2012
Expect Life's Surprises!
Pleasure. Pain. Joy. Disappointment. That's life, right? I might never completely grasp that statement: That's Life. How are we suppose to know what life entails if we aren't done living it? No matter what we go through, life can't be determined ahead of time.
I have been through some horrible things, but I still get caught off guard. Take this past weekend: It was my birthday. I expected so much since I worked so hard, but I got the complete opposite. Instead of things coming together, things fell apart. And it seems as if it fell hard. In the end of it all, I didn't have such a great time, argued with people I love, and lost someone I fell so hard for. Well, I have fell in love more than once, and with that being said, I got my heart broken more than once. I had arguments with family and friends, and I lost people in the past. It can be said that it is a routine, but no matter what, it still hurts like a bitch (Is that my first time cursing?). It still feels fresh every time. Maybe it's the timing, but I don't expect any of it or the magnitude in which it hurts me.
Maybe that is it! Maybe life is about expecting to be surprised. Maybe understanding that statement is understanding that the bad will happen to you, and that it will come in different forms as well as different times. Maybe it is just a way we prepare ourselves for the rough times and lasting pain. Or maybe it is our way to pour alcohol on our wounds. "That's Life" is our S.O.S (our way to save ourselves).
So...
We don't know what life entails. We can't tell our own future as we blindly went through our past. But despite that all, one thing is for sure. Life is full of surprise. Maybe we should just expect to be surprised.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
I have been through some horrible things, but I still get caught off guard. Take this past weekend: It was my birthday. I expected so much since I worked so hard, but I got the complete opposite. Instead of things coming together, things fell apart. And it seems as if it fell hard. In the end of it all, I didn't have such a great time, argued with people I love, and lost someone I fell so hard for. Well, I have fell in love more than once, and with that being said, I got my heart broken more than once. I had arguments with family and friends, and I lost people in the past. It can be said that it is a routine, but no matter what, it still hurts like a bitch (Is that my first time cursing?). It still feels fresh every time. Maybe it's the timing, but I don't expect any of it or the magnitude in which it hurts me.
Maybe that is it! Maybe life is about expecting to be surprised. Maybe understanding that statement is understanding that the bad will happen to you, and that it will come in different forms as well as different times. Maybe it is just a way we prepare ourselves for the rough times and lasting pain. Or maybe it is our way to pour alcohol on our wounds. "That's Life" is our S.O.S (our way to save ourselves).
So...
We don't know what life entails. We can't tell our own future as we blindly went through our past. But despite that all, one thing is for sure. Life is full of surprise. Maybe we should just expect to be surprised.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Simplicity at its Best!
People complicated the simplest things in their head. This is fact.
BUT...
What can be the possible reason(s) someone would do this to theirselves? I can't speak for everyone as I can't barely explain this for myself, but there is always a reason to the madness. Personally, I overthink everything -- and when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I just put myself in this cycle of endless thoughts, but sometimes, it does happen naturally. Let me see if I can give you a peek into how I do this and how my thought process works.
I can admit that I make a mole into a mountain through my thought process. But, to me, it is much more than the answer you give to my questions. I have answers for my questions already.
Question: How much do you love me?
Answer: I love you with all my heart... (or something along that line)
MY ANSWER: I LOVE YOU beyond everything else. You are my number one -- the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You know what? MARRY ME RIGHT NOW!
Question: Why didn't you do the homework last night?
Answer: I didn't have time for it because I had so much to do, and I barely got any sleep.
MY ANSWER: YOU decided to do other things with your time, knowing that YOU had homework to do. You slept in, and you knew about this assignment a while ago. You didn't do the homework due to YOU being lazy!
As you can see, my answers does not match the other person's answer. This will lead me to ask myself more questions on why they do not match and what does that tell me. I know that it may seem as a pointless and not a healthy thought process to put myself in. BUT, it does help fix many of my issues and helps me be more practical than I set out to be.
Look, from outside, it may seem as such a stupid thing to do. It seems as if it causes nothing but issues. And I will not deny that; it does cause problems for me A LOT. But, it also brings me "down to Earth" as I am usually an optimist and I think highly of everyone. Does this make sense?
Well, if it does: Welcome to my life! If not, I can't explain much into it as I already have. Again, it differs by the individual. For me, I overthink and complicate everything due to my lack of understanding, lack of a realistic perspective, and to be honest, my lack of confidence on the subject. It can be both good or bad, varying on situation and individual. For those of you that do it, just be honest with yourself about why you do it. This is just to understand where everything is coming from, and sometimes to avoid the issues you come across.
Lastly, after understanding it, I must make some limitations or DOS/DON'TS for us overthinkers or complicaters.
DO: Do continue to put thought into many things around you. Asking questions or thinking through things can allow yourself to be open and honest. Also, you can easily call "BS" on things or people presented to you. Do try to be accurate when vocalizing your thought process. What may seem as simple and understandable to you may not be for someone else -- THIS CAN BE THE SOURCE OF THE ISSUES YOU COME ACROSS.
DON'T: Do NOT, under any circumstances, hold your possible conclusion(s) or thought(s) as anything final. Things change, and I am pretty sure that you can't account for EVERY reaction possible. Don't put yourself in an endless cycle -- don't get stuck in your head! Be cautious of how your thoughts affect you (and those around you).
So...
If you decide to overcomplicate or overthink anything, just try to make it as SIMPLE as possible for yourself as well as others. You can't just go too deep into everything because it is an endless cycle and life is too short. THINK SIMPLE. BE SIMPLE. It is simplicity at its best!
Live Life & Go BEYOND it!
BUT...
What can be the possible reason(s) someone would do this to theirselves? I can't speak for everyone as I can't barely explain this for myself, but there is always a reason to the madness. Personally, I overthink everything -- and when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I just put myself in this cycle of endless thoughts, but sometimes, it does happen naturally. Let me see if I can give you a peek into how I do this and how my thought process works.
I can admit that I make a mole into a mountain through my thought process. But, to me, it is much more than the answer you give to my questions. I have answers for my questions already.
Question: How much do you love me?
Answer: I love you with all my heart... (or something along that line)
MY ANSWER: I LOVE YOU beyond everything else. You are my number one -- the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You know what? MARRY ME RIGHT NOW!
OR...
Question: Why didn't you do the homework last night?
Answer: I didn't have time for it because I had so much to do, and I barely got any sleep.
MY ANSWER: YOU decided to do other things with your time, knowing that YOU had homework to do. You slept in, and you knew about this assignment a while ago. You didn't do the homework due to YOU being lazy!
As you can see, my answers does not match the other person's answer. This will lead me to ask myself more questions on why they do not match and what does that tell me. I know that it may seem as a pointless and not a healthy thought process to put myself in. BUT, it does help fix many of my issues and helps me be more practical than I set out to be.
Look, from outside, it may seem as such a stupid thing to do. It seems as if it causes nothing but issues. And I will not deny that; it does cause problems for me A LOT. But, it also brings me "down to Earth" as I am usually an optimist and I think highly of everyone. Does this make sense?
Well, if it does: Welcome to my life! If not, I can't explain much into it as I already have. Again, it differs by the individual. For me, I overthink and complicate everything due to my lack of understanding, lack of a realistic perspective, and to be honest, my lack of confidence on the subject. It can be both good or bad, varying on situation and individual. For those of you that do it, just be honest with yourself about why you do it. This is just to understand where everything is coming from, and sometimes to avoid the issues you come across.
Lastly, after understanding it, I must make some limitations or DOS/DON'TS for us overthinkers or complicaters.
DO: Do continue to put thought into many things around you. Asking questions or thinking through things can allow yourself to be open and honest. Also, you can easily call "BS" on things or people presented to you. Do try to be accurate when vocalizing your thought process. What may seem as simple and understandable to you may not be for someone else -- THIS CAN BE THE SOURCE OF THE ISSUES YOU COME ACROSS.
DON'T: Do NOT, under any circumstances, hold your possible conclusion(s) or thought(s) as anything final. Things change, and I am pretty sure that you can't account for EVERY reaction possible. Don't put yourself in an endless cycle -- don't get stuck in your head! Be cautious of how your thoughts affect you (and those around you).
So...
If you decide to overcomplicate or overthink anything, just try to make it as SIMPLE as possible for yourself as well as others. You can't just go too deep into everything because it is an endless cycle and life is too short. THINK SIMPLE. BE SIMPLE. It is simplicity at its best!
Live Life & Go BEYOND it!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
It's ALL about the Closing!
When your heart breaks, there is still something in the midst of it all; something that makes it that much harder to let the relationship go or make the pain almost unbearable. And without that "something", moving on or taking the steps needed to do something active with your life seems almost impossible. It is like you are frozen and the moment replays over and over. You have no idea what to do or what to say.
Well, with the fantastic feeling of "love" that is so over-emphasized in movies and TV drama comes the "hangover": The Aftermath.
First heartbreaks will seem impossible to overcome, and that is natural because this is the first person who made you feel like never before. This is the first person to take your heart and show you a whole new side to life. It's understandable, but I need to be honest with you, it doesn't get easier. Because your last love will be better than your past loves. I say this in the sense that you start to get a better grasp on the concept of "love". As if there are stages, love gets stronger or more concrete over time. In my experience, my first love was almost a "puppy" love. It wasn't until the second love, I began to know what love can do to you. I can go on and on, but those who been in love will know that this post can get very lengthy if I do so.
Back to the matter at hand: When you love, you get heart broken. As pessimistic as I am going to sound now, nothing lasts forever. But how does one cope? How does one let go of that person they fell head over heels for? Well, I can't give you the answers to that because I still don't know myself. BUT, one thing that does make it "easier" to cope with is CLOSURE.
When you open something, don't you need to close it before starting new ones?
Think of it like this: How many tabs you have open now? Two or three? Imagine five, ten, twenty. What would happen? Not only would your computer or device run slower, but you won't be able to give your attention or focus on any one of them. You will be left to keep checking each tab to remember what you have it there for and examine its importance. Right? Relay this concept with relationships and life. How about you close some of those tabs one by one? Maybe some of those tabs were never what you were searching the net for? They could have been distractions like Facebook is to homework.
Closure can come in different forms. I don't know your style or how you like to deal with personal matter. All I know is that closure is needed, and without it, things become...complicated. Using my life as an example, I previously fell for a guy who broke my heart a few times. This last time was rough, and the ending wasn't that great. I struggled with that because I started to question the love and meaning behind what we did and how he dealt with everything. It was harder for me to cope with the fact that he probably never loved me than the breakup itself. I couldn't keep adding alcohol to the wound anymore. I had to tend to it, and take the first steps to healing or atleast trying to. I started to express my feelings everywhere, which were both positive and negative. I came to realizations, and it wasn't until I came across what the guy had posted on a social networking site. It hit me hard. I knew he still had those feelings I still have. I knew he still loves me, and knowing that meant the world to me. I don't know if our lives will cross paths again, but I know that our intentions were pure. We got the chance to celebrate the love we both shared even if it was short lived. Those positive thoughts in such a bad time makes this easier for me. An It will for you. No matter how you take it or use it; it's all about the closing.
So,
We will be heart broken. We will be left to deal with the aftermath of love and the pain it brings. But, why make it harder for ourselves? We should be all about the closing --whether it is personal or business matters.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Well, with the fantastic feeling of "love" that is so over-emphasized in movies and TV drama comes the "hangover": The Aftermath.
First heartbreaks will seem impossible to overcome, and that is natural because this is the first person who made you feel like never before. This is the first person to take your heart and show you a whole new side to life. It's understandable, but I need to be honest with you, it doesn't get easier. Because your last love will be better than your past loves. I say this in the sense that you start to get a better grasp on the concept of "love". As if there are stages, love gets stronger or more concrete over time. In my experience, my first love was almost a "puppy" love. It wasn't until the second love, I began to know what love can do to you. I can go on and on, but those who been in love will know that this post can get very lengthy if I do so.
Back to the matter at hand: When you love, you get heart broken. As pessimistic as I am going to sound now, nothing lasts forever. But how does one cope? How does one let go of that person they fell head over heels for? Well, I can't give you the answers to that because I still don't know myself. BUT, one thing that does make it "easier" to cope with is CLOSURE.
When you open something, don't you need to close it before starting new ones?
Think of it like this: How many tabs you have open now? Two or three? Imagine five, ten, twenty. What would happen? Not only would your computer or device run slower, but you won't be able to give your attention or focus on any one of them. You will be left to keep checking each tab to remember what you have it there for and examine its importance. Right? Relay this concept with relationships and life. How about you close some of those tabs one by one? Maybe some of those tabs were never what you were searching the net for? They could have been distractions like Facebook is to homework.
Closure can come in different forms. I don't know your style or how you like to deal with personal matter. All I know is that closure is needed, and without it, things become...complicated. Using my life as an example, I previously fell for a guy who broke my heart a few times. This last time was rough, and the ending wasn't that great. I struggled with that because I started to question the love and meaning behind what we did and how he dealt with everything. It was harder for me to cope with the fact that he probably never loved me than the breakup itself. I couldn't keep adding alcohol to the wound anymore. I had to tend to it, and take the first steps to healing or atleast trying to. I started to express my feelings everywhere, which were both positive and negative. I came to realizations, and it wasn't until I came across what the guy had posted on a social networking site. It hit me hard. I knew he still had those feelings I still have. I knew he still loves me, and knowing that meant the world to me. I don't know if our lives will cross paths again, but I know that our intentions were pure. We got the chance to celebrate the love we both shared even if it was short lived. Those positive thoughts in such a bad time makes this easier for me. An It will for you. No matter how you take it or use it; it's all about the closing.
So,
We will be heart broken. We will be left to deal with the aftermath of love and the pain it brings. But, why make it harder for ourselves? We should be all about the closing --whether it is personal or business matters.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Luck is Such a Funny Thing!
Beginner's luck. Try your luck. Lucky me. Luck is on my side. Just my luck. I luck-ed out.
Many of us are "lucky" because we were given the opportunities that others did not. Is that really luck? Some people have the luck to win a flat-screen TV, camera, gift basket, or even a pair of tickets to a big social event. Others have the luck to win the NY Mega Millions. But what about those who don't have the luck to even have a meal to eat? What about those families that didn't have the luck to win a house makeover or the single mother that couldn't win that new pink bicycle for her daughter? Yes, some of us are "lucky", but what is luck?
People would say that luck is matter of chance, it is something that won't last forever. It is a temporary happiness almost. But then again, wouldn't people have their chance at luck? Luck, to me, can go either way. I think we are all lucky in some form. And no, this isn't the cliche explanation of everyone being lucky to be alive. No. That is extremely corny. I am proposing that luck isn't instantly beneficial. Let me elaborate.
I was never lucky enough to have my own sweet sixteen or attend a wedding. I did, however, have the luck to go to two funerals. I had the luck of seeing my family crash and burn in front of my eyes. Please, don't feel bad. It is "just my luck". Those events I mentioned wouldn't be considered as lucky to be apart of, but it is. Yes, funerals and family conflicts are not beneficial when occuring. But I had the luck to learn and grow. I had the luck of experiencing the cold reality at an early age, and now, I have a head-up on life. My family, through the fire and the flames, had the chance to work on themself both as a whole and individually. We aren't perfect, but I can honestly say that progress is being made. Funerals are full of sorrow and pain, but I got the chance to see death. I mean, I got the chance to see where things end. I mean, I got a chance to know that life is short. And as depressing as it may seen, you begin to find a light in the dark tunnel.
I had the luck of experiencing the bad because it made me stronger. Some people will never have that kind of luck. Some people would never feel the lowest point a person can hit. I met people who are so oblivious to what can happen or how things can turn, and I feel bad for them. I guess they are "luck-ed out".
Don't get me wrong. Luck is also how it has been portrayed. I had the luck to have a all-expenses paid trip to California to take a college course at UC Berkeley for six weeks. I had the luck to be the "hero" of my high school senior class. I had the luck of meeting amazing people, and going amazing places.
So,
Luck is such a funny thing. It comes in different shapes and forms, and it comes at different times and days. But with luck, it can go eitherway. (I know I am corny!)
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Many of us are "lucky" because we were given the opportunities that others did not. Is that really luck? Some people have the luck to win a flat-screen TV, camera, gift basket, or even a pair of tickets to a big social event. Others have the luck to win the NY Mega Millions. But what about those who don't have the luck to even have a meal to eat? What about those families that didn't have the luck to win a house makeover or the single mother that couldn't win that new pink bicycle for her daughter? Yes, some of us are "lucky", but what is luck?
People would say that luck is matter of chance, it is something that won't last forever. It is a temporary happiness almost. But then again, wouldn't people have their chance at luck? Luck, to me, can go either way. I think we are all lucky in some form. And no, this isn't the cliche explanation of everyone being lucky to be alive. No. That is extremely corny. I am proposing that luck isn't instantly beneficial. Let me elaborate.
I was never lucky enough to have my own sweet sixteen or attend a wedding. I did, however, have the luck to go to two funerals. I had the luck of seeing my family crash and burn in front of my eyes. Please, don't feel bad. It is "just my luck". Those events I mentioned wouldn't be considered as lucky to be apart of, but it is. Yes, funerals and family conflicts are not beneficial when occuring. But I had the luck to learn and grow. I had the luck of experiencing the cold reality at an early age, and now, I have a head-up on life. My family, through the fire and the flames, had the chance to work on themself both as a whole and individually. We aren't perfect, but I can honestly say that progress is being made. Funerals are full of sorrow and pain, but I got the chance to see death. I mean, I got the chance to see where things end. I mean, I got a chance to know that life is short. And as depressing as it may seen, you begin to find a light in the dark tunnel.
I had the luck of experiencing the bad because it made me stronger. Some people will never have that kind of luck. Some people would never feel the lowest point a person can hit. I met people who are so oblivious to what can happen or how things can turn, and I feel bad for them. I guess they are "luck-ed out".
Don't get me wrong. Luck is also how it has been portrayed. I had the luck to have a all-expenses paid trip to California to take a college course at UC Berkeley for six weeks. I had the luck to be the "hero" of my high school senior class. I had the luck of meeting amazing people, and going amazing places.
So,
Luck is such a funny thing. It comes in different shapes and forms, and it comes at different times and days. But with luck, it can go eitherway. (I know I am corny!)
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Acknowledging Our Feelings
My life has done a complete 180. No, not a 360 -- That would only mean that it is back to where it was. It has become the complete opposite. I've alway known that my life was going to change, but I haven't gotten the chance to sit and think about it.
Less than a year ago, I wanted to be in college. I was ready to move out and be on my own. I was ready to enjoy the bitter freedom it granted, and the overwhelming responsibilities it placed upon me. Now, it doesn't seem the way it once did. I am not really happy even though I should be. I lost many people, and I don't know what step I should take next. I don't know how to react -- even worse, I don't know if I want to.
How do you go from familiarity and feeling love to being the newbie trying to replace your once-loved ones? I feel like I have the burden of trying to replace people because I feel alone if I don't. I feel alone now. The school year is ending, and I will be forced to go back home to the Bronx. I don't want to go back. I worked hard to get out of there, to get out of my house. It felt like four walls closing in -- I can't deal with that anymore. I have no option. I will have to go back to the problems I was happy to leave behind. I thought maybe trying to stay busy will fix it, but I don't want to have to do so much to be happy.
I will be working soon, especially once school ends for the summer. I feel like an express train to nowhere that just keeps going and going. I can't stop working hard because I will have to be forced to settle with reality. Ugh. How things have changed, my friends! When you want to go somewhere, there is so much to be done. There is so much that changes that I don't think anyone is really ready for. I know I am not. So how do I go about this?
The damage is done, so should I give up? That question is kind of stupid. I know what I want, and giving up won't get me anywhere close to that. I will keep going, but I just feel like it isn't worth the fight. I fought hard to keep some important people, and they left regardless. It is out of my hands at this point. Have you ever felt like that?
This isn't my usual post. It is one that comes from a true feeling that I believe we all share. Yes, it is pretty fucking sad, but we can't just make everything shiny and peachy because then where will be the authenticity?
So...
It's okay to feel the way we feel. As long as we acknowledge it and stay honest with ourselves, we can only grow from here. Understand?
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Less than a year ago, I wanted to be in college. I was ready to move out and be on my own. I was ready to enjoy the bitter freedom it granted, and the overwhelming responsibilities it placed upon me. Now, it doesn't seem the way it once did. I am not really happy even though I should be. I lost many people, and I don't know what step I should take next. I don't know how to react -- even worse, I don't know if I want to.
How do you go from familiarity and feeling love to being the newbie trying to replace your once-loved ones? I feel like I have the burden of trying to replace people because I feel alone if I don't. I feel alone now. The school year is ending, and I will be forced to go back home to the Bronx. I don't want to go back. I worked hard to get out of there, to get out of my house. It felt like four walls closing in -- I can't deal with that anymore. I have no option. I will have to go back to the problems I was happy to leave behind. I thought maybe trying to stay busy will fix it, but I don't want to have to do so much to be happy.
I will be working soon, especially once school ends for the summer. I feel like an express train to nowhere that just keeps going and going. I can't stop working hard because I will have to be forced to settle with reality. Ugh. How things have changed, my friends! When you want to go somewhere, there is so much to be done. There is so much that changes that I don't think anyone is really ready for. I know I am not. So how do I go about this?
The damage is done, so should I give up? That question is kind of stupid. I know what I want, and giving up won't get me anywhere close to that. I will keep going, but I just feel like it isn't worth the fight. I fought hard to keep some important people, and they left regardless. It is out of my hands at this point. Have you ever felt like that?
This isn't my usual post. It is one that comes from a true feeling that I believe we all share. Yes, it is pretty fucking sad, but we can't just make everything shiny and peachy because then where will be the authenticity?
So...
It's okay to feel the way we feel. As long as we acknowledge it and stay honest with ourselves, we can only grow from here. Understand?
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Don't Forget to Look at Your Reflection!
Time is irreplaceable, but I think, as human, we keep forgetting this. Time passes, and it is time that we don't get back. Time is of the essence, people!
Time flew by for me, actually. On Monday, I would have finished my first semester in college. I couldn’t be more satisfied. It was, indeed, one tough semester as I had to adjust to college life and being independent. There are very little things I wish I could have done, but then again, I have to take it as it is. All I could do is stop and reflect to make the next time better than the last time. It is all about TIME!
You know, life is short. It can be taken from anyone at any moment, so why not make the moment last? I had to learn this tough lesson from the death of my friend, Troy Zapata. His life was shortened by the shot of a bullet, he was 15 years old. I know I mention him a lot, but he helped me see the things I see now.
I just noticed this is my second blog about the importance of time. What can I say? Time is one thing that matter to me. I think everyone should stop what they are doing and take a moment to look back at what they've done. Are you proud of it? Are you where you envisioned yourself to be? Is it a story worth telling?
Because I know mine is. I have flaws and my moments, but then again, who doesn’t? My life has been a roller coaster ride. It has been a constant struggle, an ongoing fight, but I am nowhere close to hanging up my gloves. I always take a moment to reflect, and use that as motivation to make my future. Everyone should have that mind set when it comes to time.
So…
When you pass a mirror, don’t forget to stop and look at your reflection. Because there is always something there than that little zit on your face or how big your ass looks.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Time flew by for me, actually. On Monday, I would have finished my first semester in college. I couldn’t be more satisfied. It was, indeed, one tough semester as I had to adjust to college life and being independent. There are very little things I wish I could have done, but then again, I have to take it as it is. All I could do is stop and reflect to make the next time better than the last time. It is all about TIME!
You know, life is short. It can be taken from anyone at any moment, so why not make the moment last? I had to learn this tough lesson from the death of my friend, Troy Zapata. His life was shortened by the shot of a bullet, he was 15 years old. I know I mention him a lot, but he helped me see the things I see now.
I just noticed this is my second blog about the importance of time. What can I say? Time is one thing that matter to me. I think everyone should stop what they are doing and take a moment to look back at what they've done. Are you proud of it? Are you where you envisioned yourself to be? Is it a story worth telling?
Because I know mine is. I have flaws and my moments, but then again, who doesn’t? My life has been a roller coaster ride. It has been a constant struggle, an ongoing fight, but I am nowhere close to hanging up my gloves. I always take a moment to reflect, and use that as motivation to make my future. Everyone should have that mind set when it comes to time.
So…
When you pass a mirror, don’t forget to stop and look at your reflection. Because there is always something there than that little zit on your face or how big your ass looks.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Change: For Better or For Worse
Obama based his whole campaign on bringing "Change", but some people don't look at what Change can be. Yes, bringing change to certain things is positive, but there are negative sides to change. It depends on what is being change and from what to what.
Personally, I am referring to change in people. I think everyone changes -- not only at one point in their life but at many points in their life. As conditions and environment changes, so does that person. Think about it. For me, going to college, there are many changes I had to go through. I am not talking about new friends, new home, new responsibilities -- I mean of the person I am. I had to drop and add certain things about myself to fit my conditions. I am slowly being less uptight about everything as I get easily stressed out in college. I used to need friends to remind me to relax, but in college, I have no one but myself.
Also, I had to be more agressive and assertive on what I want. In college, everyone is trying to do their own thing. It is the time for a person to think their path out, and step up to the plate. So, I had to be ready to know what I want in life. This has to be one of the biggest change I had to go through. I became ready to accept that not everyone is going to join me in my adventures; some people needed to be dropped. I lost many friends, and made many enemies. I needed to step up, and there will always be people trying to bring me down. I know I've changed. My change is for the better and for the worse, depending on who and what is looking at it. I am just trying to be a better me, and the change I am undergoing can completely fail. Then again, it can put me on top.
Yes, Obama. We can bring change, but of what kind? Yes, we want to change the current economy and we can, but doesn't mean it will be for the better. People need to realize that yes, change is good, but at what cost? We can change every aspect of life to compliment our lives better, but will it be successful? There is a chance that we screw it up, just like there is a chance of it going great.
There is always two side to everything: For the better or For the Worse. Don't forget to look at both sides.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Personally, I am referring to change in people. I think everyone changes -- not only at one point in their life but at many points in their life. As conditions and environment changes, so does that person. Think about it. For me, going to college, there are many changes I had to go through. I am not talking about new friends, new home, new responsibilities -- I mean of the person I am. I had to drop and add certain things about myself to fit my conditions. I am slowly being less uptight about everything as I get easily stressed out in college. I used to need friends to remind me to relax, but in college, I have no one but myself.
Also, I had to be more agressive and assertive on what I want. In college, everyone is trying to do their own thing. It is the time for a person to think their path out, and step up to the plate. So, I had to be ready to know what I want in life. This has to be one of the biggest change I had to go through. I became ready to accept that not everyone is going to join me in my adventures; some people needed to be dropped. I lost many friends, and made many enemies. I needed to step up, and there will always be people trying to bring me down. I know I've changed. My change is for the better and for the worse, depending on who and what is looking at it. I am just trying to be a better me, and the change I am undergoing can completely fail. Then again, it can put me on top.
Yes, Obama. We can bring change, but of what kind? Yes, we want to change the current economy and we can, but doesn't mean it will be for the better. People need to realize that yes, change is good, but at what cost? We can change every aspect of life to compliment our lives better, but will it be successful? There is a chance that we screw it up, just like there is a chance of it going great.
There is always two side to everything: For the better or For the Worse. Don't forget to look at both sides.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Matter of Time
I know minutes turn into hours, and hours into days, and nonetheless days turn into weeks. By the time we realize how much has passed, it is too late. It is time wasted. It is time to realize that "time is of the essence". It passes by, and there is no possible way to grab it while we can. We just need to live in the moment, and remember to appreciate every minute.
This is the reason I have such a tough time letting go...
Because letting go means letting the times I shared with a particular person go to waste. I am never ready to do such a thing. All the memories I held with the man I loved will never be wasted moments, I will replay them in my head to remind me that my life wasn't just an ordinary day after another. It was spent with someone special, doing something that meant something to me. Understand? I don't think anyone wants to come to the realization that the time they spent with someone was just time wasted. I refuse to let my memories die.
Everyone that I have a hard time letting go are people who I spent the most amazing times of my life with. I always come back to them, and I become a better person for the sake of fixing the relationship. I am not a perfect person, I can admit. I make my mistakes, and I beat myself down for most of them. I know what I did wrong, but the people who I find on my side after everything are the ones that are important. They are truly worth it. I would never give up the memories I shared with them or hope to share with them in the future. I can't let them go.
So, when a person tells me to move on or let it go, I just shrug. It is harder for me to do so. I want those memories fresh in my head with nothing but thoughts of making new ones with that person. I believe, in time, a person will be able to make their own choice of who to let go or who to keep close.
It is all a matter of time.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
This is the reason I have such a tough time letting go...
Because letting go means letting the times I shared with a particular person go to waste. I am never ready to do such a thing. All the memories I held with the man I loved will never be wasted moments, I will replay them in my head to remind me that my life wasn't just an ordinary day after another. It was spent with someone special, doing something that meant something to me. Understand? I don't think anyone wants to come to the realization that the time they spent with someone was just time wasted. I refuse to let my memories die.
Everyone that I have a hard time letting go are people who I spent the most amazing times of my life with. I always come back to them, and I become a better person for the sake of fixing the relationship. I am not a perfect person, I can admit. I make my mistakes, and I beat myself down for most of them. I know what I did wrong, but the people who I find on my side after everything are the ones that are important. They are truly worth it. I would never give up the memories I shared with them or hope to share with them in the future. I can't let them go.
So, when a person tells me to move on or let it go, I just shrug. It is harder for me to do so. I want those memories fresh in my head with nothing but thoughts of making new ones with that person. I believe, in time, a person will be able to make their own choice of who to let go or who to keep close.
It is all a matter of time.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Friday, September 30, 2011
That Second Chance...
Everyone deserves a second chance.
I honestly believe so. Just because as human beings, we all fuck up at one point. And if you think you don't, maybe you aren't fully aware of your surroundings.
Lil Wayne said it best: "...but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up..."
If we don't give someone that second chance, how can we expect anyone to give us one? It is the golden rule: Consider yourself in the equation. Giving someone another chance also gives the person a chance to grow. If a person is given another chance, it is another opportunity to grow as a person and learn from their mistake. If they don't have this chance, they won't be able to fix their mistakes and work hard to be a better person.
Now, of course, there is a limit on things. I honestly give people too many chances, but in my opinion, there is always something changing in them. If they decide to keep taking advantage of me and their chance, I will be sure who they are to me and cut them loose. I came across a random post that said "There is a delete button for Sagittarius", and guess who is a Sagittarius? I honestly think everyone should have a delete button because letting people who will bring you down in your life will actually be successful in bringing you down.
Sometimes, it takes more than screwing up two chances to realize that someone isn't worth your time, but maybe it takes more. I had experiences where I gave people too many chances, and they fail to take advantage of those chances of rebuilding our broken friendship. Those people aren't a factor in my life anymore, and I am actually in a good place. I learned a lot from giving out those extra chances, even when I didn't want to.
So...
Just remember that everyone, including yourself fucks up.
Don't be quick to burn bridges before you walked across them.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
I honestly believe so. Just because as human beings, we all fuck up at one point. And if you think you don't, maybe you aren't fully aware of your surroundings.
Lil Wayne said it best: "...but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up..."
If we don't give someone that second chance, how can we expect anyone to give us one? It is the golden rule: Consider yourself in the equation. Giving someone another chance also gives the person a chance to grow. If a person is given another chance, it is another opportunity to grow as a person and learn from their mistake. If they don't have this chance, they won't be able to fix their mistakes and work hard to be a better person.
Now, of course, there is a limit on things. I honestly give people too many chances, but in my opinion, there is always something changing in them. If they decide to keep taking advantage of me and their chance, I will be sure who they are to me and cut them loose. I came across a random post that said "There is a delete button for Sagittarius", and guess who is a Sagittarius? I honestly think everyone should have a delete button because letting people who will bring you down in your life will actually be successful in bringing you down.
Sometimes, it takes more than screwing up two chances to realize that someone isn't worth your time, but maybe it takes more. I had experiences where I gave people too many chances, and they fail to take advantage of those chances of rebuilding our broken friendship. Those people aren't a factor in my life anymore, and I am actually in a good place. I learned a lot from giving out those extra chances, even when I didn't want to.
So...
Just remember that everyone, including yourself fucks up.
Don't be quick to burn bridges before you walked across them.
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Where Our Lives Takes Us...
I know it has been a while since I made a post, but I am only human.
Looking back, my life has changed so much. I think at any point, any one's life can be taken on a different route. Your life can be changed just by meeting someone new. That person can be a life partner, a best friend, but they can make a big impact. For me, college changed my life. I crawled out of my natural environment into a new environment-- a completely different one. So yes, I am no longer in the Bronx, but that is actually a good thing.
I attend Pace University in Pleasantville, NY, and I love it there. I met people that have a variety of backgrounds, beliefs, and ways of life. I honestly made a group of strangers into family, and I never want to leave them. I learn to care for them as if I knew them before. I finally feel like I belong.
Everyone is in the pursue of finding comfort and happiness. It is a difficult task, but when you get close, it is worth it.
To make things even worse, I just got of a bad break-up -- Yes, again. However, I am actually good. I am happy because other than being home thinking about him and crying or wining, I am surround around people who love me and keep me busy. So, there is the solution to a broken heart. Keep busy and surround yourself with people who you love and love you back.
From my experiences, the worst part of a breakup is realizing that the love is gone -- it isn't being given nor received. And to fill that emptiness where the love used to fit, you have to find another love. Not another love with another partner, but it could be family and friends. When you feel the love, nothing can destroy you.
In the end, we are just humans, right? Our lives can take us to a whole other world or even across a busy street. We, as human, are just victims to it. I am a victim to a new environment and people, and I am loving it.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Looking back, my life has changed so much. I think at any point, any one's life can be taken on a different route. Your life can be changed just by meeting someone new. That person can be a life partner, a best friend, but they can make a big impact. For me, college changed my life. I crawled out of my natural environment into a new environment-- a completely different one. So yes, I am no longer in the Bronx, but that is actually a good thing.
I attend Pace University in Pleasantville, NY, and I love it there. I met people that have a variety of backgrounds, beliefs, and ways of life. I honestly made a group of strangers into family, and I never want to leave them. I learn to care for them as if I knew them before. I finally feel like I belong.
Everyone is in the pursue of finding comfort and happiness. It is a difficult task, but when you get close, it is worth it.
To make things even worse, I just got of a bad break-up -- Yes, again. However, I am actually good. I am happy because other than being home thinking about him and crying or wining, I am surround around people who love me and keep me busy. So, there is the solution to a broken heart. Keep busy and surround yourself with people who you love and love you back.
From my experiences, the worst part of a breakup is realizing that the love is gone -- it isn't being given nor received. And to fill that emptiness where the love used to fit, you have to find another love. Not another love with another partner, but it could be family and friends. When you feel the love, nothing can destroy you.
In the end, we are just humans, right? Our lives can take us to a whole other world or even across a busy street. We, as human, are just victims to it. I am a victim to a new environment and people, and I am loving it.
So...
Live Life & Go BEYOND it.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
In The Blink Of An Eye
Is it me or is time passing by quickly?
I say this for various reasons.
1. Troy Zapata. He was born today 18 years ago, and he died December 2008. It has been almost three years since his death, and it still feel like it wasn't that long ago. I guess no matter how much time goes pass, loss never leaves. We will all still miss him as if he just left us.
2. Being Heartbroken still sucks. It's been over a week, and I am still numb from the heartbreak. Numb in the sense that I haven't publicly expressed my feelings or even allow my feelings to settle into place. My eyes tear up at times, but I don't full out cry. I fear that this numb feeling I have will last for a very long time. I want to be able to feel again. Be able to look at opportunities with an open heart, and not go on with a cold one. Well, I always say that time will heal all, but time has been slipping out my hand and I sense no change. There is nothing to do but wait, I guess.
3. Friends of mine are heading out to their respective colleges. Yesterday, one of my friends headed off to Indiana to college, and the valedictorian of my HS will be off to her dream school. This week, more friends will be leaving to their colleges, and next week the remainder of my friends will leave to or start college. I don't leave until September 4th -- I have 19 days left. I know it's late, but with time moving so quickly, I will be moving out in no time.
Ugh. I know that time goes by, but does it have to at this speed? It feels as if I will miss a lot in the blink of an eye.
So...
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
I say this for various reasons.
1. Troy Zapata. He was born today 18 years ago, and he died December 2008. It has been almost three years since his death, and it still feel like it wasn't that long ago. I guess no matter how much time goes pass, loss never leaves. We will all still miss him as if he just left us.
2. Being Heartbroken still sucks. It's been over a week, and I am still numb from the heartbreak. Numb in the sense that I haven't publicly expressed my feelings or even allow my feelings to settle into place. My eyes tear up at times, but I don't full out cry. I fear that this numb feeling I have will last for a very long time. I want to be able to feel again. Be able to look at opportunities with an open heart, and not go on with a cold one. Well, I always say that time will heal all, but time has been slipping out my hand and I sense no change. There is nothing to do but wait, I guess.
3. Friends of mine are heading out to their respective colleges. Yesterday, one of my friends headed off to Indiana to college, and the valedictorian of my HS will be off to her dream school. This week, more friends will be leaving to their colleges, and next week the remainder of my friends will leave to or start college. I don't leave until September 4th -- I have 19 days left. I know it's late, but with time moving so quickly, I will be moving out in no time.
Ugh. I know that time goes by, but does it have to at this speed? It feels as if I will miss a lot in the blink of an eye.
So...
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Pick Up The Pieces
I have been in a relationship for one year and five months, which unfortunately ended yesterday. I fell in love --and hard. Doesn't that suck? I remember seeing this posted somewhere:
"Falling in Love sounds exactly like it sounds: Falling. Expect it to hurt."
Man, I can't stress how accurate this quote is! I mean, it is every girl's dream to find the perfect man and fall in complete and utter love with them. It is every one's dream --please excuse me if I seem to be pushing it-- to find the right person to share their life with. For most of us, we look and search and give it our all but we don't always see the "other side" of it. What happens when you love someone who doesn't love you back? Or when love has reach its limit? Or when the love dies? I will tell you right now: IT HURTS!
With love, comes heartbreak. It is negative to think of it that way, but this is a fact that everyone realizes at one point. This doesn't mean don't let yourself love out of fear of feeling the pain or dealing with a broken heart. I am not implying that AT ALL. We are simply human, and we all must experience pain at multiple points in our lives. It is inevitable.
I might seem a little on the down side since I recently got my own heart broken. But, I know I will love again. As much as we might not want to, it is in our nature. Love is a part of living. And maybe love will guide me to the same person or it might lead me into the arms of another person. We all should face the fact that we are all going to fall in love and give our heart to the people who mean the world to us. With that amazing love and risk comes the chance of heartbreak and/or rejection. Take it though. Go ahead and LOVE. Take advantage of it.
Yes, it hurts. I will be honest with you: it feels like the end of the world. It is hard to see myself happy after this. It is like my heart broke into a million pieces. BUT in time, it will heal. I will find my way, and love will find me again. Sounds cliche, right? But, it is definitely true. Accepting this makes the pain that much more easier to bare.
So...
Don't be afraid to give your heart to someone. If it does break into a million pieces, then pick up the pieces and give it time.
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
"Falling in Love sounds exactly like it sounds: Falling. Expect it to hurt."
Man, I can't stress how accurate this quote is! I mean, it is every girl's dream to find the perfect man and fall in complete and utter love with them. It is every one's dream --please excuse me if I seem to be pushing it-- to find the right person to share their life with. For most of us, we look and search and give it our all but we don't always see the "other side" of it. What happens when you love someone who doesn't love you back? Or when love has reach its limit? Or when the love dies? I will tell you right now: IT HURTS!
With love, comes heartbreak. It is negative to think of it that way, but this is a fact that everyone realizes at one point. This doesn't mean don't let yourself love out of fear of feeling the pain or dealing with a broken heart. I am not implying that AT ALL. We are simply human, and we all must experience pain at multiple points in our lives. It is inevitable.
I might seem a little on the down side since I recently got my own heart broken. But, I know I will love again. As much as we might not want to, it is in our nature. Love is a part of living. And maybe love will guide me to the same person or it might lead me into the arms of another person. We all should face the fact that we are all going to fall in love and give our heart to the people who mean the world to us. With that amazing love and risk comes the chance of heartbreak and/or rejection. Take it though. Go ahead and LOVE. Take advantage of it.
Yes, it hurts. I will be honest with you: it feels like the end of the world. It is hard to see myself happy after this. It is like my heart broke into a million pieces. BUT in time, it will heal. I will find my way, and love will find me again. Sounds cliche, right? But, it is definitely true. Accepting this makes the pain that much more easier to bare.
So...
Don't be afraid to give your heart to someone. If it does break into a million pieces, then pick up the pieces and give it time.
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Another Day, Another Body
My mother was right, people are dying everyday.
I mean...
Of course, people die everyday. But seeing it for yourself makes that statement mean much more.
NYC, to outsiders, seem to be the city that never sleeps. A place where everyone can follow their dreams and be surround by bright lights. However, NYC is exaggerated. All the lights and good life is just Time Square. There is more to NYC than that. NYC consist of five Boroughs, and I live in one of them: The Bronx. Yes, it has its perks like the Bronx Zoo, cheap stores and what not. Bronx's biggest downfall is the violence. There is simply too much of it.
Sadly, every time I turn to the news, someones life is taken, usually by a gun. I have friends on Facebook who update their status about witnessing a shooting or losing someone to it. Today, I seen two of those status from close friends of mine. It is sad how big of a part gun plays in my life. I was at the beach when there was a shooting. There was drive-by shooting right in front of my building. I even lost a friend of mine to a gun.
RIP TROY ZAPATA.
I been to more funerals than High School Graduations, isn't that sad?
"How many guns need to be shot, lives need to be lost, families need to be broken before we realize there is a problem with our generation?"
Life is too short.
So...
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
I mean...
Of course, people die everyday. But seeing it for yourself makes that statement mean much more.
NYC, to outsiders, seem to be the city that never sleeps. A place where everyone can follow their dreams and be surround by bright lights. However, NYC is exaggerated. All the lights and good life is just Time Square. There is more to NYC than that. NYC consist of five Boroughs, and I live in one of them: The Bronx. Yes, it has its perks like the Bronx Zoo, cheap stores and what not. Bronx's biggest downfall is the violence. There is simply too much of it.
Sadly, every time I turn to the news, someones life is taken, usually by a gun. I have friends on Facebook who update their status about witnessing a shooting or losing someone to it. Today, I seen two of those status from close friends of mine. It is sad how big of a part gun plays in my life. I was at the beach when there was a shooting. There was drive-by shooting right in front of my building. I even lost a friend of mine to a gun.
RIP TROY ZAPATA.
I been to more funerals than High School Graduations, isn't that sad?
"How many guns need to be shot, lives need to be lost, families need to be broken before we realize there is a problem with our generation?"
Life is too short.
So...
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I Believe...
So, recently I attended a mass at my church. I am actually atheist, which means I don't believe in god. However, my family is Catholic and my grandmother usually attends church.
So my mother dragged me to church to thank god for her new job. It wasn't a wise decision on my part, but it made me realize a lot.
First let me just say that I was very uncomfortable the whole time there. There were points in time where I wanted to yell out a rebuttal to the religion or just leave the church completely. I couldn't stay still and I started to get hot flashes, weird huh?
But to my point:
People are so strict on defending their religion, but at what cost? There are people who risk their own lives or others just to show why their religion is the best one.
As an atheist, I get a lot of heat from others. I "came out" to my family, and that was the beginning of an endless debate. They were so quick to put down my beliefs and I had to defend why it was legit to me. I do not offend other religious people by putting down their religion. If you ask me what I think about a certain religion, I will give you my honest opinion without making the other person feel like crap.
I can't put down a religion that makes people feel better about them selves. I can't disrespect a religion that makes my mother cry. No one should tear any religion down just to come off on top.
In my opinion, religion brings hope to people. I find hope in not believing what others believe. People find hope in being blessed and attending a gathering. Don't judge. I always tell people to stand up for what they believe in no matter what.
So...
I believe _________________________________________________. Fill in the blank, and never look back.
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
So my mother dragged me to church to thank god for her new job. It wasn't a wise decision on my part, but it made me realize a lot.
First let me just say that I was very uncomfortable the whole time there. There were points in time where I wanted to yell out a rebuttal to the religion or just leave the church completely. I couldn't stay still and I started to get hot flashes, weird huh?
But to my point:
People are so strict on defending their religion, but at what cost? There are people who risk their own lives or others just to show why their religion is the best one.
As an atheist, I get a lot of heat from others. I "came out" to my family, and that was the beginning of an endless debate. They were so quick to put down my beliefs and I had to defend why it was legit to me. I do not offend other religious people by putting down their religion. If you ask me what I think about a certain religion, I will give you my honest opinion without making the other person feel like crap.
I can't put down a religion that makes people feel better about them selves. I can't disrespect a religion that makes my mother cry. No one should tear any religion down just to come off on top.
In my opinion, religion brings hope to people. I find hope in not believing what others believe. People find hope in being blessed and attending a gathering. Don't judge. I always tell people to stand up for what they believe in no matter what.
So...
I believe _________________________________________________. Fill in the blank, and never look back.
Live Life, and go BEYOND it.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
We Only Just Begun ...
I have to be honest. I always say that I will keep up with my blog, but I had so much going on that blogging wasn't on my list of things "to-do". I am here now. And I plan to give you numerous insights. So to pick up where I last left off...
"As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And as our lives changes, from whatever, we will still be friends forever."
Graduation is a moment in our lives that makes us realize the reason we are where we are. Graduation, as cliche as it may sound, is our moment to shine because not many people make it to see the day. High School & College Graduation, I mean. Because of certain laws, many people see their elementary and middle school graduation. June 24, 2011 was the day I realized that I made it further than many people my age typically make it. The people I was graduating with was doing the same.
My Valedictorian said, in her speech, "being here ruined someone's negative agenda".
I couldn't agree more.
Mainly because there were what we called "super-seniors" sitting along with my class. Kids who couldn't graduate with the class they first enter high school with for their own personal reason. They had to work harder to get here, in my opinion. I was sitting with people without family members, without homes, without support and they made it. Graduation separates the strong and wise from the apathetic and unmotivated. Graduation is a challenge to everyone. It takes hard work, strong mindsets and lots of tolerance to rise to that challenge.
So...
When you think about your graduation, think about the moment and the people you share it with. Those people are no different than you, they all worked hard to get there. Whether it is your best friend, your enemy, your parents, or your teachers, they all are there for a reason. YOU are there for a reason. You work your butt to get there, graduation is earned. Congrats to the class of 2011. :)
Live life, and Go BEYOND it.
"As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And as our lives changes, from whatever, we will still be friends forever."
Graduation is a moment in our lives that makes us realize the reason we are where we are. Graduation, as cliche as it may sound, is our moment to shine because not many people make it to see the day. High School & College Graduation, I mean. Because of certain laws, many people see their elementary and middle school graduation. June 24, 2011 was the day I realized that I made it further than many people my age typically make it. The people I was graduating with was doing the same.
My Valedictorian said, in her speech, "being here ruined someone's negative agenda".
I couldn't agree more.
Mainly because there were what we called "super-seniors" sitting along with my class. Kids who couldn't graduate with the class they first enter high school with for their own personal reason. They had to work harder to get here, in my opinion. I was sitting with people without family members, without homes, without support and they made it. Graduation separates the strong and wise from the apathetic and unmotivated. Graduation is a challenge to everyone. It takes hard work, strong mindsets and lots of tolerance to rise to that challenge.
So...
When you think about your graduation, think about the moment and the people you share it with. Those people are no different than you, they all worked hard to get there. Whether it is your best friend, your enemy, your parents, or your teachers, they all are there for a reason. YOU are there for a reason. You work your butt to get there, graduation is earned. Congrats to the class of 2011. :)
Live life, and Go BEYOND it.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Recycle Made Simple.
When people hear "recycle", they think of environmentalist trying to save the planet by restoring the already use. In some sense, it may be true, but the other side of it is that normal people like me,your classmate, and even your family can participate in recycle just by doing small simple things.
It can get frustrating to collect your empty bottles and paper, and it is a task to find a recycling center for those bottles, cans, and paper. There is more to recycling, however.
Let's try not making trash at all. Instead of having to collect empty bottles, how about use a reusable water bottle? Everyday for school, I will buy a Polar Spring in the store. Switching to a stainless silver water bottle, I saved money and the environment. A reusable water bottle can be cheap and found at a local shop. Here's a secret: You can get a water bottle free on certain website by "requesting a free sample". It is that easy.
Want more info? Wanna help? Click: http://www.castleink.com/
It can get frustrating to collect your empty bottles and paper, and it is a task to find a recycling center for those bottles, cans, and paper. There is more to recycling, however.
Let's try not making trash at all. Instead of having to collect empty bottles, how about use a reusable water bottle? Everyday for school, I will buy a Polar Spring in the store. Switching to a stainless silver water bottle, I saved money and the environment. A reusable water bottle can be cheap and found at a local shop. Here's a secret: You can get a water bottle free on certain website by "requesting a free sample". It is that easy.
Want more info? Wanna help? Click: http://www.castleink.com/
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Actions ALWAYS Speak Louder Than Words.
I always made the mistake of letting words determine what I do, say, or who I meet or trust. Everyone makes that mistake. The "big elephant" in the room can't be pointed out if there was complete silence. And, there would be no protest if it wasn't for the spoken cause. Make sense? I mean, the people around us wouldn't do what they do with out their voice or a way of communicating. So, this leads to me point :
People can say what they can to please you or what not. But, you can't tell a person by only they words. If I tell you that I am loveable, good at public speaking, generous, and helpful, my intrepretation might be different; therefore, you shouldn't just based a person of their words. I may say I am generous, but I can think that giving a penny to a homeless is generous while you may think it is taking care of the senior citizens. In that case, you should see how the person makes a difference or does what they talked about doing. It is all there. This is what happens in elections all the time.
As a opponent, a person would say what they must (true or not) to gain support of the diversity of potential votes. However, how many times in our history have we seen that fail or be twisted? Perhaps, way too many. Truth is, don't think what a person is due to how good they use their words and mind, but what they take advantage of in life. I want a guy that can make me laugh, not tell me how happy he can make me. I want a friend who will be able to email me an assignment, and not tell me that we will be there for each other.
To Conclude:
-->Don't tell me you love me, Show it.
-->Don't tell me you will be there, it is nice to here, but better to know it for real.
-->Don't tell me what you will do, show me what you can do and will do.
-->Don't tell me who you are anymore, I want to see it for myself.
I do not only have ears, I also have eyes! ;-)
Action speak louder than words.
People can say what they can to please you or what not. But, you can't tell a person by only they words. If I tell you that I am loveable, good at public speaking, generous, and helpful, my intrepretation might be different; therefore, you shouldn't just based a person of their words. I may say I am generous, but I can think that giving a penny to a homeless is generous while you may think it is taking care of the senior citizens. In that case, you should see how the person makes a difference or does what they talked about doing. It is all there. This is what happens in elections all the time.
As a opponent, a person would say what they must (true or not) to gain support of the diversity of potential votes. However, how many times in our history have we seen that fail or be twisted? Perhaps, way too many. Truth is, don't think what a person is due to how good they use their words and mind, but what they take advantage of in life. I want a guy that can make me laugh, not tell me how happy he can make me. I want a friend who will be able to email me an assignment, and not tell me that we will be there for each other.
To Conclude:
-->Don't tell me you love me, Show it.
-->Don't tell me you will be there, it is nice to here, but better to know it for real.
-->Don't tell me what you will do, show me what you can do and will do.
-->Don't tell me who you are anymore, I want to see it for myself.
I do not only have ears, I also have eyes! ;-)
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